Exhaustion. Complete and total exhaustion. I’d say exhaustion characterized most of 2005, fall 2007 and late 2011 through early 2013 for me. Notably, those same time frames saw a lot of change in our lives. Personal, spiritual and professional struggles (spring 2005), deciding to move back to the States (summer 2005), adjusting back to the States […]

I’d like to say that we undergo change when we observe that we need to undergo change. But that’s not true. I’ve done plenty of changing in my life in a controlled fashion – from changing where I live to changing where I work to changing my hair style. The more dramatic changes in my life […]

Where routine is absent and fear is present, chaos is present in abundance. We often think of chaos is complete disruption. But I want to think of chaos as opportunity. Chaos theory defines chaos as “the science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable. It teaches us to expect the unexpected” (source). Some of […]

Thinking back on how I crave routine, predictability and familiarity… I suppose the reason I resist changing is because I’m afraid at what disruption, uncertain and unknown will bring. It’s the basest feeling: Fear. We’re all afraid of what we don’t know. The truth is that fear is like the monster under the bed: Very real […]

I used to think that the greatest challenge of going through change was change itself. But it’s not. The greatest challenge of going through change is the disruption it causes in your every day routine. What was is what was – past tense. Past tense = not now. Something else is now. And that something else […]

Let’s just get it out there – change is infuriating. Remember those questions – why me? Why now? I’ve looked at the etymology of the word change – it’s earliest meaning refers to the process of becoming different. While I like growing and becoming different, it’s not easy. Metamorphosis is never easy. Have you ever watched a […]

I don’t want this. But I don’t want that. What I want is what I can’t have. Do you know what I mean? The Boy and I have endured some terrible, horrible, necessary change over the last 18 months. Lots of tears (by both of us), lots of anger, lots of frustration. Frustration is birthed […]

The strange thing about grief, I told a friend during a pre-funeral visitation the other week, is that it’s like growing a third head. Everyone, including yourself, can see it – you’re changed fundamentally. My friend agreed and added, And that third head never really goes away. How true. We are all people going through […]

Congratulations. You’re special – you and you alone are going through change. Or at least that’s how it feels when you’re in the midst of it. Why me? Why now? How unfair! Really the questions should be: Why not you? Why not now? And who promised life would be fair anyway? The fact that I’m […]