Social Self-Censorship

If I was a “normal” person, I’d write more on this blog about things that really matter.

That “normal” person existed a year ago. Before I started working for the City. Before “It’s a Little Plano” madness swept the interwebs. Before I people whom I don’t know follow and engage with me on Twitter and send me friend requests on Facebook.

To be clear: I don’t mind that my normal is different. I welcome it (and I’ve made some great online friends). But I have had to adjust.

What I’ve had to adjust the most to is where the line is between social creature Shannah and social media Shannah.

At one time, the Hayley Daily was a place where I could work through my thoughts on an issue through my fingers – typing for expression, exasperation and explanation.

At one time, my personal brand was consistency. If you wanted to know the complete Shannah, you could check out my social pages and you’d know everything.

Those days are gone.

Now before I write I think about who might read my thoughts. What assumptions will they make on the limited information they glean from the limited words I put online? If I express frustration with a part of the system, will they assume I’m an ally…or an enemy? If I express the freedom I believe I have in Christ, will they assume I’m a heathen…or a compatriot…or a hypocrite? If I express that which is most honest and true to my core, will I be relatable or rejected?

Even worse, I find myself doing that with others offline. There are serious things to deal with on a daily basis and I’m not entirely sure who is available to confide in – to share how I’m feeling, the questions I’m asking, the decisions I’m making…

My circle, which once was very broad, has simultaneously grown bigger and smaller.

I am connected to, on a real and personal level, with even more people – which I love.  Yet my circle of confidence has grown ever smaller – a dozen, or fewer if I was honest.

Is this good or is this bad? I don’t know.

What I do know is that it is different.