You Can’t Push a Rope and…

…you can’t predict what a cat will do. Or so they say.

I say that you can absolutely predict what a cat will do – the complete opposite of what you want them to do. The end result is that you behave like a crazy person trying to outsmart a creature with a brain the size of a walnut.

For example, consider the case of the snaggle-toothed furgirl:

1. Try to pet the kitty; the kitty will run away.
2. Try to get the kitty to open its mouth; discover that kitties can clamp their jaws tighter than a crocodile
3. Set up a cat crate in the laundry room behind closed doors; the kitty will refuse to walk within 20 feet of that door.
4. Speak in normal tones to the kitty; the kitty will hide under the bed.
5. Catch the kitty and put it in the cat crate; the kitty will bump its head and paws around the opening until it figures out how to open the crate.
6. Speak in soothing tones to the kitty on the drive to the vet; the kitty will reward you with blood-curdling yowls and complaints.
7. Arrive at the vet and describe the snaggle-tooth situation; open the cat crate and discover that the kitty’s efforts to open the cat crate dislodged the tooth – making the vet visit largely pointless.
8. Apologize to the kitty; ensure evil looks for all your efforts.

There’s just no winning with a cat, I tell you. You end up frustrated and the cat just ignores you and takes a bath. On top of the fresh-out-of-the-dryer laundry.