You Have One Job

If I had to pick one phrase that I hear entirely too much from Kelly, it’s:

For example, my cell phone rings while I’m driving. Kelly says: You only have one job. It’s to drive.

He also says that when I check my makeup in the driver’s mirror and miss the light changing from red to green.

Or when I start a load of laundry, walk away to put something away – and then remember an hour later that I forgot to close machine lid.

Or when I make cinnamon toast in the morning and step away (briefly) to put on my perfume. Thank goodness he likes burned toast. The trick is to make sure that I burn the first set of toast, not the second, or at least be very quick at swapping his unburnt toast for my burnt toast before he starts to eat it.

So last night I found myself, turkey baster in hand, siphoning water out of the coffee pot.

Kelly had asked a simple question: I’ll make the coffee. Have you put water in the machine yet?

No, of course not, I said. I only put the coffee machine parts back together after unloading the dishwasher. That’s it. I’m too tired to do anything else.

Next thing I know, Kelly’s moaning.

What’s wrong? I ask.

Well, he said. I started to put water in the machine and apparently, there’s already water in it. Now it’s overfull.

I swear I don’t remember putting water in the machine. Didn’t remember then, still don’t.

As I stood on my tiptoes to siphon water out of the machine with my trusty turkey baster, Kelly looked at me and said: