Thanks, Santa…Do You Take Returns?

I swear Santa loves Bridget and Ben as much as he loves Kelly and Shannah.

Each year, treats, toys and other fun kitty-things are stuffed into my stocking. And, of course, Santa knows how to pick the perfect thing for a purr-fect creature.

But this year I’m wishing that Santa would take some things back. You see, getting alone time around here is near impossible. I’m not talking about Kelly. I like spending time with him. What I am talking about is my constant companion: Bridget.

Sometime over the past six months, Bridget has ceased being a cat. She thinks she’s human, but honestly, behaves like a dog. She follows me through the house like my own little black shadow. She talks to me when I ignore her. She sits on the bar to watch me work in the kitchen. She hops in my lap the instant I sit down.

And now Santa’s gone and done it. This year, the kitties were given the ultimate gift – the Shed Ender Pro grooming comb.

This wonder tool does a remarkable job of removing loose fur and dander. Every time we use it, we seem to brush out another small cat. But the real secret is that, although they can’t tell me, it seems to make Ben and Bridget feel as though they are receiving the most thorough and pleasurable scratching imaginable.

I can merely pick up the comb and Bridget comes running. If I don’t have it in my hand when I sit down, she whimpers. If it’s sitting next to me and I’m not using it while she’s in my lap, Bridget will nip my wrist.

Enough already.

Santa, if her behavior doesn’t improve, can you take this back? I need to be able to sit by myself, without doing anything, every now and then!