I Need a Teenager

I never thought I would say this, but right now I wish I’d had kids when I was in my early 20s.

I’ve always been fairly happy about our decision to wait on children. Being child-free, particularly in your 20s, gives you a certain amount of freedom while you still have energy and desire to go and do anything and everything.

Friends who started families early are always quick to point out the value of having kids while you’re young: you have energy to enjoy them (be honest – it’s energy to keep up with them), you will be young enough to enjoy your grandchildren, and the like.

But they’ve never mentioned the one reason I now wish I’d had kids 15 years ago: they understand technology and can help me manage my i-Life.

I’m not an idiot. Nor am I a dinosaur. However, I have reached the age where technology can baffle me. 

Why does it take two remotes to watch television (TV and DVR)? Why does the Bose remote work some times and not others? Why do I have problems listening to my iPod on the home computer after listening to it on my work computer? Why does the computer sometimes reassign drive letters and why can’t I remember how to fix it?

And, to the point, why is the RAZR cell phone I ordered completely different from the RAZR cell phone I had before?

The menus are completely different. The go back, cancel and send keys are in new locations. I have no idea how to record a new voicemail message. Kelly used to be speed dial #1. I don’t know how to make a speed dial number. My friend John tells me I can voice dial numbers – how can I do that if I don’t know how to make a speed dial? And don’t even get me started on the “intelligent type” messaging. 

From reading the messages that I sent post-marathon, you’d think that my cell phone has determined that I am unintelligent.

Text 1, 11:40 a.m.: JKelly is

Text 2, 11:48 a.m.: Darn this pgone. Meanmt tmno say, Kd5ly is tired 2.

Text 3, 11:55 a.m.: Tghis is hard. Can’t type vepy wekl.

Text 4, 12:02 p.m.: Bam i cajj u?