A bit of a bummer – the lab results came back and the cancer was a more widespread than my doctor thought. Thursday afternoon Dr. Q’s office called to say there was still evidence of cancer cells at the edge of the tissue she removed over a week ago.
The end result, it seems, is my inch-and-a-half scar will become a little (I’m feeling hopeful by using the word “Little”) larger.
That’s definitely a bummer.
My current stitches will be removed next Friday (May 20). I’m scheduled for the next removal two weeks later (June 3).
Here’s the crazy thing: I’ve definitely been bummed out about this in a big way. Like way more down in spirit about this than the original diagnosis. I guess I felt hopeful that I would be one-and-done with the shoulder. Go in, get it removed, heal from the procedure and go on about my sunscreen-lathered way. And that’s just not what’s in the cards for me at this time.
To be clear: This still isn’t a big deal. It’s still just an outpatient surgery (unfortunately cutting through partially-healed scar tissue). No chemo. Just another 10 days of stitches and Kelly carrying everything, followed by another 2-3 weeks of healing.
So why don’t my emotions understand?
I believe there’s a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), so it’s ok to want to weep and it’s ok to mourn.
I also believe we’re to be joyful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18), because our ultimate joy and peace are not found in our circumstances.
I also believe that there’s no point in worrying because my worrying doesn’t change my reality (Matthew 6:25-34), except maybe to make it more unbearable.
All I can do in the moment is pray about it.
And if you are a person who prays, I would appreciate specific prayers of encouragement so I can get past my downcast spirit and that I don’t wear Kelly down with it as well.